I can’t believe that in a few short days I will have made 26 trips around the sun. It seems that not so long ago I was turning 25, celebrating with my parents and newfound friends in Paris. I remember how excited I was to turn 25, especially since I had elected to treat myself to a Euro Trip through Tomorrowland, plus the thought of cheaper car insurance was enough to make this otherwise unremarkable birthday more appealing.
As I sit in my Chicago apartment and reflect on these past 365-ish days, I can’t help but notice the amount of lessons that I’ve had the opportunity to learn. Without a doubt, this year has been one of intense growth, change, struggle, and triumph. I’ve navigated major life changing events such as moving away to a new city, living alone for the first time, changing jobs and specialties within my career, changes within friendships, and even a little case of a broken heart a time or two. Inversely, I have had the opportunity to travel the world while cultivating true friendships, experienced amazing shows and moments in music, have learned about myself along the way, and I can honestly say that I am living an authentic life. The peaks and valleys I’ve navigated this past year alone have transformed my life completely, and have helped shape me into the woman I am today. It hasn’t always been easy, and some days were exceptionally painful, but nevertheless I persisted and I lived to tell the tale. I feel as though every moment this past year, both good and bad, was intentionally part of the “bigger plan” to teach me what I needed to learn the most (even if the lesson hit me like a large MACK truck). I’ve always been one to promote transparency in my writing, so below I want to share with you some of the lessons year 25 has taught me. I hope that these find you well and lead to self reflection, with a few laughs in the process ❤

You will make mistakes along the way… 

Talk about the most uncomfortable pill I had to swallow this past year. I’m talking a gigantic horse-sized pill that I choked down kicking and screaming, the entire way, kind of feeling. This past year I have made some pretty big mistakes; ones that I had to own up to and make amends for. Mistakes that had the potential to ruin a lot of good things for me, forcing me to put my life into perspective and assess where I was going and who I was becoming. I hurt people that I love dearly and I had to set aside my pride and truly apologize for the wrongs I had done. I made mistakes in my personal life, my career, and even amongst my closest friends. Falling from grace is never easy or comfortable, but it forces you to take a good look in the mirror and view yourself for the flawed person that you are. And talk about a reality check that’s even more scary than an episode of The Real Housewives…

However, it is never too late to change course and begin again.

Start with sitting down with yourself and forgiving yourself. For me, this is a huge thing I struggle with. I know that I am my harshest critic, and that only intensifies when I’ve made a mistake. In order to move forward, you need to start with square one: You. From every mistake there is a lesson, and with every lesson there is potential to grow if you allow yourself to see the bigger picture. This past year I had to dig deep and figure out a lot about who I was and why I was doing and behaving the way that I was. I am a firm believer that there is always a “Why” and that it’s our job to delve into it deeper to find the Truth. I’ve had a lot of uncomfortable conversations and moments spent soul searching, but for those I am so grateful. A huge aspect of moving past things and finding serenity, at least in my personal life, has been taking accountability for my actions and responsibility for the hurt I have caused others. I know that I have the potential to hurt others I love most, whether it be intentionally or not, and I had to come to terms with that fact and witness the aftermath of it first hand. Luckily, the ones I love most were unbelievably loving and forgiving of  my shortcomings, and for that I am so grateful and humbled by. However, I realize that not everyone will, or has, the capacity to forgive you, and that’s completely OK too! No one in life is required to forgive you, but bare minimum you should forgive yourself and give yourself grace; contrary to popular belief, no one lives a “perfect life”.

You don’t need to have all the answers right now or have everything figured out today.

Homegirl…. slow down and take a breath. I know sometimes it feels as though the world expects you to have it all together. That you need to have it all mapped out and know exactly what to do at any given time. It seems like everyone has it all figured out around you and that you’re completely alone in your mess, struggling to piece life together. That you’re not where you should be at this stage in your life and somehow you’ve fallen behind everyone else, unsure of what direction to take. This feeling is overwhelming and sucks and I have been down this road before a time or two. But let me fill you in on a secret: Not a single soul on this Earth has all the answers or has it completely figured out (and if they somehow, miraculously do… please send me their contact information so we can have a little chat!). All we can do is take life one step at a time and one day at a time. Trust that the answers and direction will come in Divine timing, ultimately when we are ready to receive it. You are exactly where you are meant to be in this moment in time, and there is absolutely no timeline and guide map on how your life “should be”. So the next time someone tries telling you that you, “should have it figured out” or you find yourself entering the negative feedback loop of self doubt, just take a breath and laugh a little bit. You’re doing fine babe, trust me.

People receive and accept love at their own capacity.

This lesson is a hard one and there is no sugar coating it. Not everyone in life shows love and is receptive to love the same way you are. In fact, some people may not even be ready to accept the love you have to offer regardless of how unconditional and pure your love is. Although it is easy to get caught up in the “what is so fundamentally wrong with me?” game, this is not a direct reflection on you or your worth (please repeat this ad nauseam until it soaks in and you truly believe it!). I know it is hard to not become upset, jaded , or hardened by this, but realize that you cannot change or control how another person feels or responds. Often times people’s ability to give and receive love is a direct reflection on their own capacity to love themselves. Continue to care and be kind and lead with that loving heart of yours. The right love will find you and be ready for all that you have to offer, and love you in return with the love you DESERVE. 

Sometimes people you think will stay in your life forever don’t. 

It’s a hard Truth that not everyone in your life is meant to follow you on your journey indefinitely. For whatever reason this may be, there may be some people that are only meant to be in your life temporarily. It doesn’t make this fact any less easy to comprehend or come to terms with, or lessen their significance in your life, but learn to let these people go and have faith that you are mean to be aligned with the right people in time. Let go of whatever no longer serves you and make room for the possibility that something better is out there.

Take the chance, and do what scares the absolute *h!t out of you.

Take the plunge, do what you’ve always dreamed of, and just go for it! Some of the biggest adventures I’ve embarked on were the most terrifying at first. If I hadn’t taken the plunge and gone to Tomorrowland last summer, moved to a new city, or changed my career, who knows who I would be today? (I’m sure I would have way more savings in my bank, but I also would have way less stories and a less fulfilled life!). If chasing what sets your soul on fire feels a bit uncomfortable and makes your heart race a smidgen, lean into it. Trust that what’s waiting for you around the next corner might be something actually amazing and life changing. Take the chance because I promise you’ll learn something along the way and might even find yourself in the process!

It’s OK to be alone

Recently, I shared on my social media an article called “Don’t Be Afraid to Do Things Alone”. If anyone knows me, this concept has been a hallmark of my past year and a half, especially regarding travel and stepping outside of my comfort zone. I have always been an independent woman and pretty fearless when it comes to doing things that I want; regardless of whether or not anyone else wants to accompany me. However, when I moved to Chicago in December, I had to learn how to actually BE alone. I’m talking wake up by yourself, go to bed by yourself, and watch people from your window eating dinner out on the sundeck and drinking wine with their friends, (meanwhile you’re eating a microwaveable dinner in sweatpants)  kind of alone. I really struggled with the adjustment and realization that I didn’t truly know how to be alone prior to this phase of my life. I had surrounded myself with family, friends, and constant travel prior to this, running from the thought of being alone and distracting myself from the inevitable solitude. It took me a while to learn how to be comfortable with silence and not hit the internal panic button when another night was spent on my couch watching Netflix, instead of going out on the town with the friends I didn’t seem to have yet. Sure, at times I was lonely and wanted company, but ultimately I had to learn how to be OK with myself and being on my own. And while I encourage people to go out and find networks of friends and not let loneliness become overwhelming or debilitating, I also encourage people to get comfortable with being present with yourself and finding peace within. Through this time spent alone, I was able to really figure out who I am and work through some things that otherwise might have been skewed by outside influence. Also, disclaimer: There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you if you are alone and prefer to be this way. Maybe it’s just me, but there’s something beautiful about not having to wear pants, not having to compromise on what TV shows to watch, or not arguing over how much wine you “should” have in one standard glass.

Learn to respect yourself enough to set boundaries and enforce them.

I cannot emphasize this enough. HOW PEOPLE TREAT YOU IS HOW YOU ALLOW THEM TO TREAT YOU. You 1000% set the tone for what treatment is acceptable and NOT acceptable. If you do not love and respect yourself enough to say, “Hey, it makes me uncomfortable when you do XYZ.” or, “I’m not ok with doing this/that, it doesn’t serve my highest good”, how do you expect to create a relationship that is based on respect? And honey, if someone else cannot accept or respect your boundaries, they’re toxic and need to go! At the end of the day, you are you’re biggest advocate in life, and you shouldn’t feel bad about enforcing the way you want to be treated. Bare minimum, you deserve to be engaging in mutually supportive and beneficial relationships and not settling for people who treat you less than you deserve to be treated.

It’s OK to not Be OK.

I’d like to think that I’m pretty transparent about my life and I try and write authentically about what I’m feeling and experiencing. I feel that it is only fair to you, the reader, to see me for who and what I am, not just a highlight reel of only the best moments. To be quite honest, this past year has been pretty damn difficult at times. There were days where I had to really work through some demons and come face to face with less than desirable parts of my inner workings. I struggled for quite a while and I wasn’t OK, and I certainly wasn’t coping in a productive or healthy manner. Throughout my life,  I’ve always had anxious tendencies, however, this year my anxiety intensified tenfold due to so many changes occurring simultaneously. Often, I felt as though I was spinning out of control and that I was slowly losing my mind, unable to even put into words what I was feeling, let alone express them to others. I started to become emotionally volatile and impulsive at times, often leading to panic attacks and moments of complete breakdown. In addition to my overwhelming anxiety, I also struggled with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) during the wintertime and my depression effected almost every aspect of my life. I felt totally isolated, unhappy with myself almost to the point of unrecognition, and I was not well. When I finally sat down and began unpacking this emotional burden that had consumed my life for months, instead of running away from it and ignoring it entirely, I slowly started to get back on track and started to feel like myself again. It didn’t happen overnight, but I started reaching out to trusted friends, put my mental health and well being first, and allowed myself to be the “mess” that I was with less judgment. I slowed down when I felt overwhelmed, honored what I was feeling in real time, and started asking for help when I needed it instead of thinking I had to rely on myself solely to get through this tough time. I stopped feeling guilty for not being a version of myself that I thought I should be, and I began to deconstruct the idea that I was burdensome if I shared to others what I was feeling and thinking. No one in this world is immune to a mental health crisis, and I believe that there are more people than not who can relate to what you are going through or have felt the same way before. Taking care of my state of wellbeing is something that I am continuously and consciously working on, and will probably work through for the rest of my life. At this moment in time I am taking it day by day, and some days are easier than others. All I can do is continue forward, seek to understand why I feel the way I do, and give myself grace for not always being OK.

I am exceptionally blessed to have the support system  that I do and I will never be too old to call my parents for advice ❤

(I hope you’re enjoying your trip and are reading this, Mom and Dad. I hope I can make you proud and wish I could give you both the biggest hugs right now <3)

You need to accept and love people for where they are at in their journey.

I have a bad habit of putting expectations on people and situations. I often forget that not everyone sees the world the way that I do or loves the way that I do. Not everyone internalizes things to the extent that I do or is connected to their feelings so deeply the way that I am. I also have a REALLY bad habit of thinking that I’m right almost 90% of the time (I’m humble enough to admit that I’m wrong 10% at least!). Although my intentions are always good, and I never seek to purposely make other people feel inadequate, I can project some pretty unrealistic standards onto people. I know that I do this and when I do, I need to take a step back and assess why I’m setting  the people I care about up for failure. Not only is it unfair to others, it also sets myself up for disappointment and this thinking and behavior is neither compassionate nor evolved whatsoever. Instead of trying to “fix” the world and everyone in it, or project my own issues onto other people, what I should be doing is seeing a person for who they are and where they are in their own life, and just accept it for what it is. How can you expect someone to do something or behave in some way if they are not able or willing to do so? There are so many factors as to why people cope and behave the way that they do, but it certainly isn’t my responsibility to deconstruct those and play Little Miss Fixer-Upper! All I can do is love someone for where they are at in their life, and ask others to do the same for me in return. I like to think that (almost) everyone in life is out here trying to do their best to be a good person, and at the end of the day this is all I can really ask or want from someone.

Tell the Truth, The Whole Truth, and Nothing But the Truth. 

I’ve come to terms with the realization that often times people don’t tell the whole truth when it comes to difficult things, especially situations where integrity and character come into play. Whether it be omitting details or making euphemisms for real intentions, I’ve learned the hard way that the majority of people would rather save face than be “the bad guy”. And while I understand that this is a form of self preservation masked underneath a facade of what appears to be compassion, I can’t help but wonder why telling the honest, raw, difficult Truth is so hard to do? I get it; the Truth can be an ugly, heartbreaking, soul shattering thing. But in my opinion, by not telling the whole Truth, you in essence are willfully lying and presenting an altered version of reality that ultimately suits your agenda. This thought process is incredibly selfish and doesn’t serve anyone’s highest good, regardless of how much the Truth may hurt and how much you  want to lessen the blow. By not wanting to be the “Bad Guy”, you by default become the “Bad Guy” when you choose to take this route and put yourself and your ego at the forefront. Maybe I’m full blown crazy (I’ve been called it many a time before!), but I would much rather live my life and my Truth authentically, mean exactly what I say, and be completely transparent. I may be a “Bad Guy”, but you can never deny that I wasn’t an honest one or say that you had to question exactly where I stood with you!

That feeling in your gut… Trust it. 

Your intuition is real and what you feel is 1000% real. The vibes don’t lie and when something doesn’t feel right or energy shifts, believe it.

Speak to yourself the way you would want somebody to speak to you.

If you’re anything like me, I am my harshest and most ruthless critic. I understand my shortcomings and outlandish tenancies and often use self deprecating humor to make light of the, “way that I am”. While it is healthy to be able to laugh at yourself from time to time, there is a fine line between having a good sense of humor and being self sabotaging at the expense of laughter. The way you speak to yourself and about yourself is so crucial to cultivating positive self esteem and a healthy mindset. It is so easy to enter the negative self-talk feedback loop once you allow negative thoughts and opinions about yourself to circulate and persist, even if they are “just jokes”. There is a concept in psychology called the ““illusory truth effect”, that explains that the human psyche equates repetition with truth (aka. if you say something enough times, you’ll believe it to be true regardless of the claim’s validity).  The more unkind we speak about ourselves and view ourselves, the more of a reality those FALSE statements become, shaping the way in which we view ourselves entirely. Certainly, you wouldn’t shouldn’t speak to another person unkindly or perpetuate false propaganda, so why in the world would you subject yourself to that same kind of treatment?! The Truth is that you are enough and you are a wonderful, divine being that is worthy of success, love, and joy. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one in life, and it directly effects every other relationship in return. Start by giving yourself the love and encouragement you deserve, and you’ll be surprised at how natural and authentic it is to give love to others.

Trust The Process

I have a few sayings in life that are quintessentially me and have come into existence serendipitously. One that was inspired during my trip abroad last summer, and I’ve keep in my wheelhouse since, is, “The Universe Provides”. Truthfully, I think that if there is a trademark saying that I am known for most, it’s this one, and I believe in it wholeheartedly. During this past year of so much struggle and change, I often felt as though I was being cosmically punished for something I did in a past life. I would find myself upset and angry at the Universe for giving me what felt like perpetual distress and hurdles to overcome, and my inability to control the uncontrollable drove me to the brink of insanity at times. Finally one night, after I had gotten to the point of complete emotional exhaustion, I threw my hands up, took a deep breath, and said out loud that I was letting go. It was clear that I wasn’t going to have every single answer given to me magically, or have every issue resolved overnight, and I was spending my energy in vain. Unteaching myself the habit of needing to control everything around me and the outcomes of things has been an uphill battle, and I am still working on it everyday. I have found that I struggle with Trust and letting myself be vulnerable to the unknown, often unnecessarily jumping to the most ridiculous and worst case scenario imaginable. In these moments, I remind myself that I am exactly where I need to be, and that my faith in the Bigger Plan is stronger than any fear I may have, illogical or not. I rewind my internal video tape to the moments where I was known for yelling, “The Universe Provides!” when something unexplainable and incredible would happen. I look back on the times when I did not understand why the Universe was withholding things or testing me, only to be thankful down the line that what I wanted at the time did not come to fruition. The next time you get anxious or frustrated with where you are in life, I challenge you to take a step back, honor how you’re feeling, take a breath, and say out loud, “I may not understand the “why” right now, but I am trusting the process and I am open to receive.” I can promise you that the Universe (or whatever higher being you may believe in), has your best interest at heart and that you will end up exactly where you are meant to be ❤

Although these are only a few of the lessons I have learned this past year, I can’t help but feel a sense of gratitude for everything I have experienced. Every struggle and breakdown lead to a breakthrough, ultimately leading me to a better version of myself. I am leaving this year of my life more humbled, compassionate, and faithful. Approximately 365 days ago I began this year surrounded by new friends in a foreign country, excited to see where the journey would take us, knowing that the best was in store. As I finish writing this, I am headed to the airport to reunite with some of these same people I began my journey with, halfway across the world. To say that I am closing out year 25 in the most perfect and poetic way is an understatement, and I couldn’t be more thankful for this gift. As I celebrate my upcoming birthday surrounded by some of the people I love most in this life, I have to take a moment and honor everything that has lead me to this point. Every single moment was part of the greater plan, and I know that what is yet to come is greater than what I can even imagine. I have a feeling that year 26 will bring lots of magic, love, and light, and I look forward to the limitless potential.

With love (and a glass of champagne)

XOXO Emily