“I don’t think anyone can grow unless he’s loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be.”- Fred Rogers

 

On a dreary and rainy Black Friday Night, I entered a theater with my parents to watch a film called A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. This film is based off a true story of a cynical journalist who’s assignment is to write a piece in Esquire about Mister Rogers and his heroism. As everyone’s favorite, friendly neighbor, it is no wonder why this assignment came to be and why Mister Rogers was chosen for such an interview in 1998. What was meant to be a small 400 word snippet in the magazine, eventually became a headline story that graced the news stands across the nation. As the movie plot unfolds, we learn more about the journalist named Lloyd Vogel (who’s real name is Tom Junod) and his internal conflict with his father, which manifests itself in his overall attitude and skepticism regarding the kind and docile nature of Fred Rogers and his beloved children’s program Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. Despite Lloyd’s brash demeanor and initial disconnect from Fred, Fred remains hopeful and sees the pain in Lloyd that is so universal. Fred continues to lead with kindness and allows Lloyd to take his time to open up, allowing for small increments of healing to occur, at his own pace and without expectation or judgment. Through compassion and understanding, Lloyd is able to see himself, as well as the world, in a different light and make amends with not only himself, but the ones in life who love, yet, hurt him the most. This film is such beautiful piece that not only touches on who Fred Rogers was, but also sheds light on the importance of acceptance and healing our own “inner child” that lives within each of us.

Growing up, and still to this day, I have always enjoyed children’s TV programming and I believe it is so vital to the development of children both educationally and emotionally. Shows such as Sesame Street and Barney were monumental in shaping my childhood, as well as so many other’s in my generation. In fact, if I could achieve one thing in my lifetime that I would be so proud of, it would be to assist in an episode of Sesame Street or have a cameo on the show (I could literally write a dissertation on the importance of that show regarding urbanization in the 1970’s but thats for another blog and another day!). It is shows like these that have helped so many children learn cornerstone things such as letters, numbers, reading, language formation, and the importance of being a good “friend”. These are lessons that children innately need to learn to be able to progress both academically and socially, and to become people who can function within society. In fact, as an adult who often watches such children’s programs at work, I find myself reliving my childhood and enjoying the refreshers on character development that our favorite childhood friends taught us not so long ago. Often, these programs that were viewed in childhood bind generations of people and span far beyond our own home TV sets and into the world itself. They are a staple of who we are as adults and the reminder that these lessons through children’s TV programming are universal and withstand the test of time.

Although Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood primarily ran from the 1970’s-1990’s, I remember intermittent sprinkled in episodes of his show on PBS when I was a child. In the world of animated technicolor shows such as Arthur, and grandeur of Barney & Friends, it was easy to think that Mister Rogers was a tad bland and boring. After all, what could be so exciting about an old man in a sweater, with vintage puppets, trying to show me around his neighborhood? It wasn’t until this film, and as I sat next to my parents reliving their childhood, that I realized the significance of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood and the impact that both he and his show had on children. As I watched Tom Hanks embody the spirit of Fred Rogers, it is so apparent how Fred lived his life both on screen and off.  As a vessel of comfort to both the young and old, he encouraged children to explore their feelings, especially the “Big” feelings such as anger, sadness, and disappointment that can be difficult to navigate even as an adult. He never shamed anyone for feeling things, nor encouraged them to subconsciously suppress emotions by distracting them or telling them to “let the feeling go”. In fact, Mister Rogers did the opposite; he acknowledged the “Big” feeling and empathically sat with you, validating that what you felt was OK, and that although you may be feeling “Big” things you don’t necessarily understand, that you were not alone and that what you felt could be managed. He wrote songs about how to manage such feelings and used play and puppetry to further explore what you felt, especially when it was hard to comprehend or even verbalize the feelings themselves. He humanized the experience of emotional regulation and gave a safe space for children, as well as adults, to explore their “Big” feelings in a nonjudgemental way, much like a therapist would.

“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”- Fred Rogers

 

As I reflect back on  A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, one particular scene stands out to me that embodies not only the manifest of Fred Rogers, but the importance of acknowledging our own childhood and healing journey. Lloyd and Fred are in Fred’s NYC apartment for an interview and Lloyd asks him why he does not get new, upgraded puppets for the show. After all, Mister Roger’s puppet friend Daniel Tiger had been around since the initial filming date in 1968 and he looked a little tattered from his 30 years of adventure in the neighborhood! (And yes, this is based off the exact same Daniel Tiger in the current cartoon TV show Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood). Through Daniel Tiger, Fred simply asks Lloyd if he had a childhood friend growing up and if Lloyd could talk to Daniel about him and introduce them. We learn that despite Lloyd’s demeanor of coldness, he in fact had a childhood friend named “Old Rabbit” that he loved very much as a child. Although this encounter and reflection causes Lloyd to initially close off and break down, we start to gradually see the undoing of years of anger and resentment after the acknowledgment of his childhood, and so the healing begins. Similarly to Mister Rogers, I believe inside of each one of us lies an “inner child” that exists and so much of our responses as adults stem from the shame and trauma that we experienced and were conditioned to respond to in childhood. In fact, there are methods in psychotherapy that are aimed at healing and “re-parenting” your inner child to better understand and regulate how we feel and respond. It is no coincidence why as adults we find ourselves relating to children’s programming and seeing the deeper message that lies beneath the surface of simple dialogue and informalities. In fact, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood was revolutionary in discussing heavy topics such as death, divorce, grieving, and war in a time where “talking about your feelings” wasn’t a social norm. And although Fred Rogers was not a clinical therapist, there is an air of therapeutic healing as I rewatch his episodes over the years.

To no one’s surprise, I have a passion for caring for others, especially children. As an ICU nurse in a pediatric hospital, my job consists of medicine mixed with lots of play and laughs to help ease the difficulties that critical illness can cause. As a child, the hospital can be a scary and traumatic place, filled with strangers who don’t always do “nice” or “fun” things. In fact, at times my job can be heavy spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. And If I as the nurse feel the weight of such gravity, I can only imagine what the small child and family who I am caring for feels. In fact, recently I have had to sit down and help struggling children make sense of their illness and learn how to manage their feelings, especially ones they do not fully understand. Through these challenging assignments ,(and I admit, it felt like I was looking at a mirror as to how I deal and process my own feelings of the unknown and my own anxieties), I found myself relating to that small, fearful child in the bed, just trying to make sense of the world. Luckily, we have ancillary services such as Child Life Specialists, Social Workers, and Chaplains to help us nurses and our patients navigate these new and scary times through play, communication, and sometimes, “just being there”. It takes a village to care for our children, and I am so lucky to be surrounded by my “Real Life Mister Rogers” figures who pour so much love, consideration, and compassion into what they do. It is people like this, and Mister Rogers, who inspire me to be a kinder, more empathic and understanding nurse, as well as a friend and daughter.

“If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.” – Fred Rogers

 

There is such purity and goodness in who Fred Rogers was, and the attitude he consciously choose to emulate to all he encountered. Mister Rogers loved who you were in that moment, not who you though you needed to be to receive love. Everyone was his neighbor, as well as a friend. It didn’t matter what you looked like, or where you came from; you were unconditionally accepted for who you were. There was a sense of belonging in his neighborhood and even the most skeptical of people found their place in his life and came to an understanding of who he genuinely was as a man. A life that embodies these principals and believes in the inherent goodness of humanity is a life that does not come naturally; rather it is a life that is guided by choosing to see the goodness and humanity in others. It is a mindset that is shaped by the awareness of one’s ego and the ability to see that all people at their core are “doing their best”, without the need for judgement or criticism. It is a mindset that is continuously worked upon through self reflection and actualization that, in deed we are flawed, yet we still strive to be the best for ourselves and one another. It is having grace when it is difficult, restraint when you would rather impulsively respond, and empathy when you see another struggling. This mindset does not seek to diminish the experiences of others, but rather give solace to souls in distress. The world needs more love, more compassion, and more people like Fred Rogers. Although I am far from perfect and I too am embarking on a healing journey, today I can choose to be a better, more kind, more loving Neighbor. Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.”- Fred Rogers